Sunday, January 31, 2010
Don't try this at home!
I'm in the middle of a stare down. My opponent? A bottle of Buckley's Cough Syrup. I have been sick for 3 days. Coughing, sneezing, runny nose, headache, aches and pains, and pure exhaustion. I don't know if I have a fever because I can't keep a thermometer in my mouth long enough to get a reading without having a coughing fit. I am only able to sleep 2-3 hours at a time before I wake up, gasping for air. I have taken Theraflu and Tylenol Cold and Flu. Neither have brought any relief. So it has come to this. Am I really that bad off that I need to take Buckley's; the cough syrup that tastes like tree sap, mud, dog poop and rubber tires, with a hint of mint? I continue to stare at the bottle. Memories of my childhood flash in my mind: Me screaming "NO! NO! NO!" as my mother forces the vile stuff down my throat. You can't even buy this stuff in the States. It is only available in Canada (although rumour has it that they are trying to expand into the States). I got my bottle on a trip to Toronto last year. It has been sitting in our medicine cabinet, just waiting for the right moment. And now, I am afraid to say, that moment has come. I open the bottle and am assaulted with a smell similar to Vicks Vaporub. I pour the horrid liquid on to a teaspoon and stare at it. Wait! Is it starting to corrode the metal spoon? No it must just be my imagination. It has come to this: all the coughing, sneezing and congestion has lead me to this moment. I knew that it would come to this, but I was hoping to put it off as long as possible. It's a battle of good versus evil. I know this stuff will help, but I can't bring myself to take it. I know that the longer I stare at it, the harder it will be to lift that spoon to my mouth. I make my decision and quickly bring the spoon to my lips. In one fluid motion, I allow the foul cough syrup to slid down my throat. It burns! My eyes water and my nose immediately starts pouring out liquid snot. I cough and gasp. And then, it's over. My throat is soothed by the pine needle/dog poop/rubber tire mixture. The hint of mint opens my nose so that I can breathe again. The burning sensation is replaced by a cool healing sensation. I feel better already. There is not false advertising for this brand. Their slogan says it all "It tastes awful. And it works." Sometimes honesty is the best policy and the best medicine.